A few days ago I had the privilege to mentor a fabulous woman who doesn’t quite trust her abilities-yet. I felt sympathetic as I had once been insecure about my abilities myself I got a chance to smile as I saw how I had been able to move past a big block in my life.
Have you had confidence in something you do well, maybe someone early in your life, or later, attempted to convince you with “you can do it”. The “it” being your dream, your passion, possibly, even, your discovery of some ability you didn’t know you had. Did it help? Did you shrug off your own dreams Telling yourself “So many out there are doing it, what would make me stand out?”
That’s where I once was. Asking myself why write a book? I was desperate to write about what I discovered; How victims heal through helping other victims – deceased or alive, How law enforcement can be amazingly spiritual people who don’t stop when they are off duty, There was so much I discovered that was great and might help others. Unfortunately, there were the ego infested trouble makers. Even those mistakes needed to be aired so people could know some of the unnecessary errors that occur. Like losing evidence or not working as a team. That’s not about my part as a team, that’s the piece in my book about an investigative prosecutor who wanted the credit more than answers.
I remember years ago first writing it all down because I hoped to help a few people. Then the annoying, self-doubting thoughts, “who are you to think you can write” came up. As I looked around the world I saw countless books, lots of people working in the field. It took a mindset of keeping of creating a belief I kept telling myself that “I am entitled to follow my own path”, along with envisioning what I could feel if I completed the task well. The idea that a few people may find it useful kept playing like a sweet movie in my mind. I finally developed enough of the belief, even while the old thoughts continue to emerge, to forge ahead and tell the stories regardless of whether one person or tens of thousands read it. I’ve rewritten the book three times, the first one was, well, awful. Grammar – ugh, long sentences, lack of editing. I was so scared of putting it out to the world that I didn’t! I only sold it to clients coming to me for readings. Ten years later I rewrote it with some exercises. I still felt there was not enough editing, holding back for fear of being mocked for my run on sentences and more.(kids are so mean these days granny nanny)
Two years ago I decided to do it right. I hired an editor, my grandson Parker. At nineteen he has the clarity and ability to teach me with compassion and understanding of what I need to learn. My husband is a great editor with one drawback. He does it without educating me instead, he does the final proof for me. I hired an artist, Amanda Wilson and a photographer, Anna Ryabtsov. Together they made the book cover for “The Life Of A Psychic Detective”. I proudly display my Chief of Detective Badge on the cover. After more than fifteen rough drafts, It is now ready for the world.
Now do you get it? Whether it’s writing or any creative skill, we start with the initiation rites, the labor of growth, and we may stay in that development until we feel ready for the fragile feelings, our vulnerability to be shown.
I want you to look at any creative longing to do and just do it! No goal, no caring about the outcome, only simply for the joy of discovering a new gift within. I know you all are capable of anything. All You need to do is to discover it yourself.